Fresh Start Pet Coaching

Cassidy Russell Aug 29, 1997-Dec 3, 2009

I write to you now, not from the objective viewpoint of a professional animal behaviorist, but from the perspective of someone who has been there and is there now. On Thursday December 3, 2009 our dog Cassidy passed away. I’m hoping by telling her story I will offer myself a productive and therapeutic way to begin the healing process and also a way to offer hope and healing to those who are in similar circumstances.

Cassidy and her brother Cody were born August 29, 1997 (Cody died January 2, 2009). We owned their parents, Rocky and Nikki, as well. From the day Cassidy was born to the day she died she was part of our family. We nicknamed Cassidy CasSilly because she seemed to always be doing something to make us laugh. One of her favorite games as a pup was to play with the water bowl, she loved to drink up water and than let it run back out of her mouth.

Of course Cassidy wasn’t perfect, she tended to bark a lot and she learned from an early age that she could get away with ignoring my mother. Still she was a great dog, and she was very smart. She learned the basic commands of sit, stay, and lay down. She loved to give kisses when asked, although she could get rather over zealous about it so I had to be careful that she didn’t get to excited and accidentally bite me. Cassidy would do anything for a treat and loved it when I started clicker training her. She was the first dog I clicker trained when I starting looking into a career as an animal behaviorist and learning about different training techniques. Cassidy learned to shake hands and give high fives. Cassidy was always fun to work with because she was smart and liked to learn new things, particularly because learning earned her a treat.

For a while now, I’d say roughly a year or more, Cassidy had developed a problem with vomiting rather randomly. For the most part it was controlled by crushing up a pepsid and mixing it with her dinner. Then about a month ago, that stopped working and the vomiting occurred more and more frequently. We ran tests and tried a variety of different medications all to no avail. Cassidy continued to vomit and begin eating less and less until finally she stopped eating. We saw specialists and did all the tests we could but Cassidy continued to deteriorate and the tests showed nothing wrong.

For the most part though Cassidy seemed to be comfortable and not feeling any pain, she continued to act like her usually self except that we couldn’t get her to eat anything. That last day however, she took a turn for the worst. She was tired, frail, and seemly in pain. I had tried all day to get her to eat, to show some sign that she might be able to pull out of this. She wouldn’t eat and toward late afternoon she began to seem like she was in pain. So, my parents and I took her to our veterinarian and had her euthanized.

So, what do you do when you are morning the loss of a loved pet?

• Remember that the loss of a loved one is a painful loss, regardless of the species. Allow yourself to grieve. The bond between humans and pets can be extremely strong and in many people the loss of a pet is just as painful as the loss of human family member. Many people see pets as family and it is natural to feel intense grief at their loss. Respect that and allow yourself time to process and move through the grief process.
• Remember that your pet would want you to be happy. This past weekend there was a lot going on. My niece and nephew had a Christmas performance, we had a big family dinner of turkey pot pie (an after Thanksgiving tradition at our house), we began decorating for Christmas, and I spent some time planning for my wedding next year. There were moments that I felt bad about feeling happy. Don’t get me wrong, the absence of Cassidy is noticeable and painful. But there were also many moments of laughter and joy (particularly when my niece and nephew ran around with red felt reindeer antlers on their heads). When I would feel bad about being happy with Cassidy’s death so close behind us, I would remember how much she loved us, she loved being with us, and she wanted us to be happy. If she were here and I was sad, she would’ve given me kisses to cheer me up. It’s ok to do things that make you happy. In fact, I recommend it, it reminded me that even though it’s a painful time and there will be many sad moments of missing her in the future there is also happiness and she would want that for me and my family.
• Don’t rush out and get another pet, wait until your ready. According to my mother, it is the first time in their life together that they have not had a dog. They don’t want another one any time soon either. They have lost four dogs over the course of four years. By the time we have recovered from the loss of one it seems like another one has gotten sick. It wears on you. Take time to recover from the loss of your pet before getting another one. If you really have to have an animal around I suggest fostering a pet in need until your ready. I did that after my dog Rocky died and I did end up adopting my second foster dog. When the time is right the pet for you will come along. There’s know need to rush into anything.
• Take care of yourself. Each person processes grief in different ways and you need to meet your own needs. Talk to friends and family who understand what you are going through. Be with the people that you love and allow yourself to have fun with them. Also, when you need to allow yourself to take the time to retreat. I know that there will be a day in the near future when I sit in my pj’s and watch movies all day eating comfort food. There will also be days when I go out with friends or family, like I did this weekend, to remind myself that life inevitably moves on and there will be good times ahead.
• Spend time with your remaining pets. Although I don’t recommend running out and getting a new pet until at least some time has passed for you to allow yourself to heal. If you have pets I do recommend that you turn to them for comfort and companionship. Pets do form attachments to each other and go through a process of their own when a companion passes away. They will notice that a fellow pet is no longer there. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible and engage with them in their favorite activities to keep their spirits up as well as yours.

Remember that the grief you are experiencing at the loss of your pet is very real and there is help available to you. If you find that you need additional help there are many pet loss helplines that you can call at any time.